Before answering the question: “how not to get stuck in emotions?” let’s look at what emotions are, how they appear and what they depend on.
You’ve definitely encountered emotions in your life. From joy to anger, from enthusiasm to apathy. But what is it?
Emotion is an assessment of the hormonal, and therefore biochemical, state of our body. In other words, it is an assessment of what is happening in the body. These states of our body are called and felt differently depending on various combinations of hormones.
We have recorded the fact that there is an emotion and determined what the name of a particular emotion depends on.
Now let’s look at situations where emotions appear:
Some event that you like has happened and it brings up a certain emotion. For example, you celebrate a birthday.
You recalled a pleasant memory – you felt somehow warmer. You remember a joke – you cheer up.
You imagined a situation as it might have been in the past or in the future, and your state changed.
You received thoughts related to doubts, insecurities, or fears. For example, how will I live without my mom, dad, husband or wife – you will feel differently.
Let’s say someone had an accident and lost a leg. They start thinking, “How am I going to live without a leg? I won’t be able to do what I used to anymore…” Thoughts like this can cause a person to feel down or depressed.
And regardless of the type of emotions, whether they are “bad” or “good”, they have one thing in common – have you noticed it? They are all connected to thoughts. Even if emotions seem to be related to specific events, they still come from thoughts about those events. Let’s imagine two identical events where our study subjects suffer an injury that leaves them unable to work. Depending on how they feel about this event, their emotional state may be different. One person will perceive this as the tragedy of a lifetime, and the other as an opportunity to start something new and interesting.
It means that Emotion is a consequence of an evaluative thought, which we can feel then in the body.
An emotion is a consequence of a thought.
Let’s analyze how this happens with an example:
1) the thought of cheating appears;
2) the evaluative thought that cheating is bad or disgusting comes right after this thought;
3) the mind receives this evaluative thought and sends a certain signal to the brain;
4) the brain interprets this signal and redirects it to the body;
5) the biochemical processes launched by the brain start working in the body. A certain set of hormones is produced;
6) we begin to feel changes in the body: an increased pulse rate, an increase in the level of aggression. This is the emotion.
The emotion itself is one of our unique traits. Each person has a unique spectrum and range of emotions. There is no one else who would 100% accurately repeat your emotions and experience the events the same way you do.
Living your unique emotions is one of the pieces of the Meaning of Life..
We have figured out what emotion is, and looked at several examples. Now let’s figure out what to do in order not to get stuck in emotions.
What does it mean to get stuck? It’s when the same thing repeats, when something doesn’t change. Since thoughts are the cause of emotions, this is where we get stuck.
So, when a person thinks about a thought, it causes an emotion in them. Then they begin to reflect on their thoughts or emotions, doing which causes emotions again, is that right? Yes, exactly. But it can be a little confusing. Let’s break it down into steps and see how it goes in order.
1) You’ve got an injury.
2) Neutral Thought #1 appears – I have an injury.
3) Evaluative Thought #2 appears – how will I live and work if you have such an injury?
4) Depending on the tone of Thought #2, You body receives a signal from the brain to produce certain hormones.
5) Different biochemical processes are going on in the body, hormones are being produced.
6) You feel Emotion #1.
7) When you notice that you are experiencing some emotion, you get a neutral Thought #3, which names this emotion and describes your state.
8) Depending on your value system, your perception, your upbringing, you get an Evaluative Thought #4 that gives you an evaluation of what is happening to you.
9) Depending on this evaluative Thought #4, your body may receive a signal to produce certain hormones again.
10) There are processes going on in the body that can be called Emotion #2, or Emotion #1 will be repeated if the evaluation is the same.
11) And then it just keeps coming back around.
This is how we get stuck in emotions. This happens until a person gets tired of suffering. The main problem of getting stuck in emotions occurs at the Thought #2 or Thought #4 stages. In other words, if we remove those thoughts or don’t make them relevant at that moment, the emotion will end. Yes, emotions, like any biochemical processes, have inertia. You cannot stop them instantly and go back to the initial state. So it takes time to restore the initial state that you had before the emotion occurred.
If you remove Thought #2, can you not trigger any emotion at all? Yes, of course. Just keep in mind that it happens extremely quickly. There is nothing wrong with any emotion – it is a part of our life. Any emotion is just an emotion. But, if we suffer from it, emotions affect the quality of our lives.
Thus, in order not to get stuck in emotions, you need to develop skills to manage your thoughts, skills to get rid of thoughts that are inappropriate right now, and to gain an understanding of what thoughts and mind are. A separate article describes 7 ways to get rid of thoughts. And to control your thoughts, you need to control your Attention.
In order not to get stuck in emotions, you need to train your attention to such an extent that you can control your thoughts. Then you will completely stop getting stuck in emotions, and at the same time continue to experience different emotions that you want.
There is nothing wrong with emotions themselves if we manage their causes.