We encounter manipulation daily, and I’m certain each of us has been manipulated at some point. Let’s delve into this topic to better understand it.
There are two main types of manipulation:
- When manipulation is directed at us.
- When we manipulate someone else.
Most people are usually concerned with manipulation directed at them. We dislike being manipulated by someone or something. However, when we do the manipulating, whether intentionally or accidentally, we often see it as acceptable.
So, is manipulation bad or good?
In my opinion, there isn’t a clear-cut answer. Consider this: if someone manipulates you to prevent you from committing suicide, is that good or bad? Or if the manipulation stops you from committing a crime, is that good or bad?
Of course, if the manipulation is aimed at getting you to do something that benefits the manipulator more than it benefits you, that seems bad, but it’s not always straightforward.
Bad manipulation is clear when someone forces you, through persuasion, threats, or coercion, for instance, to commit a crime or cause harm. This is a blatant and crude form of manipulation, and it’s usually easy to spot. Bad manipulation is when you are tricked into doing something damaging, either to yourself or others.
Aren’t all forms of societal management—laws, rules, social norms, and religious beliefs—a kind of manipulation? After all, people follow these rules, making their actions predictable. The legal framework is clear: if you violate it, you face punishment. But when it comes to violating generally accepted rules, norms, morals, or religious beliefs, we experience certain thoughts, fears, shame, and even thoughts of hell, which occupy much of our attention.
Let’s also consider how the average person can manipulate. For example, you might be sick or tired but want to appear healthy and full of energy—this is manipulation. You might feel sad but want to appear happy or joyful—this is manipulation too. When you want to project a certain image to others, you aim for them to have specific thoughts about you, like thinking you are not sad when you actually are. Or you might want your partner to be jealous, give you a gift, or feel genuine happiness and take certain actions because of it—this is also manipulation.
Have you noticed what all forms of manipulation have in common? Haven’t you?
They’re all based on thoughts. Manipulation is a type of thoughts. Manipulation involves either imposing a thought on someone (like making them believe you’re not sad) or having a thought imposed on you. For instance, societal manipulation can involve making you feel ashamed for not giving up your seat on public transportation. Shame, in this case, is a set of thoughts that you did something bad, making you undesirable in society. Another example is how children are manipulated: “Finish your porridge, and you’ll be good,” or “Behave as I want, and I’ll love you.”
These are simple examples of manipulation. Of course, there are more complex forms, such as advertising, political campaigns, movies, and books, where characters exhibit “right” or “wrong” behavior. These mediums subtly impose thoughts and ideas on us, shaping our perceptions and actions.
Since manipulations are connected with thoughts, you can notice and get rid of them in the same way as with any thought—through your attention. Because manipulations are thoughts that enter the mind, we need to direct our attention to the mind. When you can consistently keep your attention on the mind and observe your thoughts, you can easily notice how manipulative thoughts appear and try to influence you. Once you notice these thoughts, you can choose not to use them or get rid of them. The seven methods to achieve this are described in another article.This approach applies both when others try to impose thoughts on you, allowing you to recognize these “other people’s” thoughts, and when you are attempting to manipulate someone else.
To effectively cope with manipulation, it is crucial to develop and train your attention. This will enable you to constantly keep part of your attention on your mind and follow your thoughts without any effort. Additionally, to more easily and frequently notice “other people’s” thoughts, it helps to develop sensitivity. You can read more about what sensitivity is, why it is important, and how to develop it in another article..
Any manipulation is a thought. And any thought, no matter what it is about, can be easily dismissed so it doesn’t affect your life. However, this is your choice and your responsibility. People suffer not from the thoughts themselves but from the fact that our attention is automatically directed to these thoughts, causing us to live them as if they define our reality. Manipulation is merely thoughts that control our lives. If you want to control your life yourself, you must take full responsibility and control your thoughts by managing your attention. You can learn how to manage your attention and what steps to take in this article..
Your Attention is the most universal tool to free yourself from any manipulation.